Motherhood, Inc.

You might have seen this on facebook or Pinterest recently:

It made me chuckle, and nod my head in agreement.

Then I started actually thinking about it and came up with this:

1. We find our identity in our jobs. When you introduce yourself to someone, often the first question out of their mouth is "and what do you do?" at which point, you tell them your occupation - and thus give yourself an identity. So those mothers that do not leave the home to go into a workplace have created a job title for our work. We are "stay-at-home-moms" (SAHM). It gives us an image. Like when someone says they are a teacher or a nurse or a cashier or a waiter, certain images come to mind. We have now defined this person based on their job.

2. We all have a need to be recognized. SAHMs do just that. We stay at home. We don't go to a workplace to make money. Often we don't make any money at all. :) And somewhere along the lines, SAHMs have felt like they haven't gotten the recognition they deserve in society, so we've created a job title that demands recognition. But along the way, we've gone a bit over-the-top and throw out terms like "full-time mom". But...who is a part-time parent? David is not a part-time dad. He is a full-time dad, and would drop everything in an instant for our kids if necessary. Other moms who work would do the same. While giving us the title SAHM allows others to have the perception of what our lives are like (which isn't all bad because let's be honest, those images that come to your mind pretty much do in fact describe what my life is like...) it also places what we do in the box of a "job" and fuels the need for recognition.

3. We live in a very self-centered society. The recognition that we "need" as SAHMs points out a negative trait in our society. We have adopted a "woe is me" attitude. The above cartoon suggests that exact point. Everyone needs time off. Time for yourself. Time to have a cup of coffee and write a blog entry. Time where no kids are climbing on you, when no deadlines for work matter. Time to do something you enjoy - whether it be by yourself or with a friend or two. But we need to make the time rather than simply complaining about not having any time. Rather than drawing attention to how much we do. Rather than competing with others and proving that we are busier or have more difficult lives than they do.

4. Everyone is busy. Sometimes it appears that SAHMs often describe themselves as pridefully better (or at least harder-working) moms than those moms (or dads) that go to a workplace for part of their day. We seem to need to prove that we are busy, as though the world has no idea that staying home with the kids and keeping a clean house means just that. Life doesn't seem to slow down. Everyone has projects to complete, people to meet with, papers to grade, tests to study for, kids to chase around the house, refrigerators to clean out, garages to organize. I'm pretty sure the world knows that just because SAHMs stay at home all day doesn't mean that they are able to check off any more items off their to-do lists than anyone else.

5. Happy Mother's Day. :) I was blessed with an incredible mother, who was there for me growing up, who played with me, who cooked for me, who cleaned my house, and who taught me important lessons even at a young age. A mother that has shown me an example of the type of mother I would like to be for my kids as they grow up. I was also blessed with a wonderful mother-in-law, who (although met me as an adult) has accepted me as a daughter to spoil, teaches me lessons, and is another fantastic example of a mother that I can look to and learn from.

I hope to do what I can to actively avoid falling in the trap of being so focused on myself and complaining about needing recognition as a mother who stays at home with her kids, that I overlook the fact that my life is awesome. I get to be a mother who stays at home with two wonderful kids who make me laugh until I cry, make me shake my head in disbelief, who challenge me, who learn and grow on a daily basis, and who still let me kiss them and cuddle with them. :)

Adele Marie

Henry William